We’re all looking for ways to connect better with the people in our lives. This is especially true of the people we deeply care about, but it’s also true for all the relationships that matter.
Here are a few tips we’ve come up with after many experiences in Relationship Coaching.
These apply to deeply personal relationships, work relationships, friends and just about anyone you have an important connection to. I hope they help you build the kind of bond you want.
Of course, let us know if you’d like a complimentary 15-20 minute Life Coaching Session to see how it is to work together!!
Don’t try to change the other person. They have a right to be who they are. Just as you do. Your goal is to work on you, to make progress in taming your reactive parts, your troublesome responses. The changes you make based on your new awareness, will produce the change you’re looking for in your partner.
Accept that we are not just one self. When you say, ”There is a part of me that wants to do x, but there is a part of me that doesn’t,” you are really speaking for two actual parts. No, you don’t have multiple personalties. You do have multiple pars and each is very real.
It is possible to love and hate someone, often within the same minute. Understanding that you have many parts helps explain your wildly different feelings. and hopefully will make you better able to accept yourself and your partner.
When you’re stuck in your progress toward one of your important goals or objectives and don’t think you’re making progress, ask two questions: What could I do more of. And what could I do less of.
Listen to the answers. Write them down.
Really listen to your partner! Don’t listen with the intent to “fix.” You don’t need to be right or make them understand. ! Hear the fear or anxiety or uncertainty or frustration in your partner.
Let your partner know you know what she’s or he’s saying and how they are feeling.
There is a huge difference between Depression and Sadness. Sadness has a story to tell. It has meaning. It has a message. Depression is pretty useless and monochromatic. No valuable purpose.
If your partner (home, work wherever) seems depressed or says they are, could it be sadness? Could you help?
Never ever ever roll your eyes at what someone says, especially if that someone matters to you. Well, actually, even if they don’t. It’s a humiliating and deeply disrespectful action that belittles (and hurts) the other person.
In any relationship , there is seldom an ” all or nothing” situation. Lone part of you may think so ( the competitor; child; brat) but the adult now knows it’s not the case. Don’t go for broke in any relationship. There is no reason anymore to take your bat and ball and leave the game.